At Home with One Child
What I'd realized was that kids, unlike adults, are constantly evolving, so spending time alone with my daughter--without the distractions of work, another child, a household to run, etc--enabled me to see who she was becoming.
This summer I've had an almost mirror experience with my five year old daughter, Annie--though for different reasons. Emily has been away at sleep away camp, and I've noticed that Annie can behave quite differently when her big sister is not around.
Annie openly adores Emily and wants to do everything she does. No shock there. But when her sister isn't around to take the lead, Annie makes very different choices. She marches on to the dance floor at a huge wedding and insists that Daddy dance with her. She runs up to even distant relatives to say hello.
Just two months earlier, when we were at a wedding, Annie slinked around with her reserved sister during the cocktail hour. When the music started, Emily, who hates to dance and abhors big crowds, refused to budge from her chair, and so did Annie. She sulked and said she wanted to go home. Then Annie did too.
At the wedding we just attended, Annie was like another child --more like herself.
The challenge is, how do we encourage Annie to show more of Annie when her big sister returns?
Stumble It!
posted by pam at 10:21 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks so much for your thoughts on not just knowing your child for who she is, but for who she's becoming. I just read it in Child and decided to visit your blog to find more good thought provoking words of wisdom! I have two daughters myself, whose personalities are night and day, and who, when not together, are VERY different children from when they are together. While it's contrary to logic, sometimes the best parenting experiences come when you divide and conquer -- something my wife and I have been doing more of lately and learning so much about our kids just from making some special one-on-one time.
Totally agree. I think this generation of parents is so different in that we DO really try to have that one on one relationship. Partly it's because we have smaller families. (I was one of three kids. My husband was one of four.) Even if my in-laws or parents divided and conquered, they still had groups of two kids. Also it was a different mindset. My parents would spend time "with the kids." I really want to try to spend time with each of my daughters.
The hope is not just that I'll learn who they're becoming--but that we'll build the foundations of what can be an enduring relationship into adulthood.
brilliant -- am interested in how she reacts when
sibling return
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