The Helicopter Parents' New Tool
The current issue of Newsweek has a story about new online systems, like MealPayPlus.com, which enable parents to prepay for their kids' school lunches and then see online what their kids are buying. Parents even can specify which foods are no-nos; if the kid tries to buy the food, an alert will flash on the cashier's computer.
What's wrong with this? This system is being used by parents of teenagers. The opening anecdote is about a 15-year-old boy whose mom discovered he was buying pizza, Gatorade and cookies for lunch, instead of the healthy entree. Maybe I'll feel differently when my kids are teens, but I think at some point, we--as parents--have to give kids some space to make decisions. Set the guidelines, yes, but trust them and give them the autonomy to decide what they eat for lunch when they're teens. Otherwise, when they're in college three years later, they'll be helpless without Mom and Dad's constant intervention.
The reverse is also true, I think. Giving kids independence--and showing that you have confidence in them to make the right decisions--is incredibly empowering.
Stumble It!
posted by pam at 4:43 PM
3 Comments:
Yes, but--what about the obesity epidemic?? Kids are tempted with all kinds of junk food. Parents should help them make healthy choices.
Pamela, it's so funny you wrote about trusting our kids more. I JUST read the article by Phyllis Theroux today in Child and one of her tips that she'd like to pass along to parents was to "trust them more". Her words inspired and encouraged me. And then this...perfect reminder.
And to "anonymous", we should and can *help* them make healthy choices, and then let them go and make these choices on their own.
Trust begets trust.
I have a friend who once said, The most important job of a parent is to help his/her child become independent.
I've thought a lot about that since, and I really agree.
I don't believe we can give our kids healthy self-esteem or make them happy, no matter how hard we may try. (Self-esteem, I think, comes from achievement; Happiness comes from god-knows-where. Some people seem to me to be happy and others unhappy--in spite of their circumstances.)
But we can help kids learn to stand on their two feet and make their own way in the world, and that is at least as important as being happy or having good self-esteem.
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