April 30, 2006

An Overnight in Philly With Kids

Anyone who is looking for a good spot to take kids should consider Philadelphia. I just came back from an overnight there with my daughters. Despite the fact that I went to college in Philly and have been there probably a dozen times since graduating, I found myself enchanted with its Old City.

Staying at the Hyatt Regency in Penn's Landing--a beautiful spot right on the water--we were in walking distance from all of the historic sites in the Old City. Our timing couldn't have been better. It is the 300th birthday of Benjamin Franklin, so there was a fascinating exhibit devoted to his life at the new National Constitution Center. Okay, I was more interested in learning about Franklin's life as a diplomat and city leader, but the kids enjoyed Franklin's "invention"--a chair that Franklin equipped with a little step attached to a fan overhead. So when you sat on the chair, tapped your foot, a fan would blow over your head. I had to literally pry them out of the chairs. The permanent exhibit at the National Constitution Center is a tour through American history, with more than a hundred interactive exhibits and artifacts, including the tape of the McCarthy hearing, voting booths, and a chance to play out being on the Supreme Court.

Yes, we also visited the Liberty Bell and walked around Independence Hall, where the Constitution was drafted and signed, and the Declaration of Independence was adopted, but the unexpected highlight of our stay a visit to two 18th century houses. The first was at Elfreth's Alley, a cobblestone street that is among the oldest, continuously occupied street in the country (since 1713, according to our guide).

One of the houses is the "museum," and the tour of the house--about 20 minutes--captivated the kids--and me. Most old homes that have been preserved (and opened to the public) are the houses of the rich, but Elfreth Alley was where the working class lived. The house we toured was tiny; the people lived , ate, and worked in one room. (A kitchen was added to the house a hundred or so years later.)

The house was three stories because families took in boarders or shared with other families, so when the family on the third floor walked downstairs they walked through the living quarters of another family. My kids were fascinated with the fact that the families also had to poop and pee in a little bowl and then carry the bowl down the block to a narrow alley, where they emptied its contents into a hole--near the well.

We had thought about going to visit Betsy Ross House after, but the guide said not to bother. It's not even her real house (her house was torn down), and serious historians doubt that she sewed the flag anyway (a fact that my older daughter kept reminding me of). He recommended visiting the Powell House, the home of Philadelphia's first mayor and one of the richest men in the country.

My daughters kept agitating for ice cream instead, but we found ourselves looking up at Powell House, a beautiful, genteel home in Society Hill, they agreed. It was a study in contrasts: Powell's home was lavish (decorated with many artifacts that had been handed down from relatives, including gifts from the Washingtons, who were friends of Powell.) Powell owned 90 buildings in Philadelphia and was the richest of the rich, yet worried that he was being cheated by his renters so his buddy Ben Franklin bought him a present: a scale, which sits in the "office," the first room of the house off the hallway where Powell received his business guests. He had eight servants in the main house, plus countless others who lived in barns on the property. A beautiful garden. A separate building for the kitchen since cooking in the house was a hazard, not to mention smelly and smoky.

My almost five year old coveted the toys--a little contraption that kids sat in and were led around by goats and an elaborate doll house that put her plastic Barbie house to shame. After announcing that she'd like to live in the house, my 10-year-old discovered her social conscience. "It's not fair. He should have given his money away to the people in Elfreth Alley." And that led to an interesting conversation about the obligations of the haves and charity. To think the building was almost torn down to make way for a parking garage in the 1930s!

The evening capped off our adventure back in time with a dinner at the City Tavern, 138 South 2nd Street, a reconstructed Revolutionary War-era restaurant. The staff dresses in period costumes and pour water into pewter goblets, and the food is based on 18th century recipes. (Supposedly, Jefferson liked the little muffins served with the bread.) My daughters had a meat and cheese pie (ie: lasagna), but what thrilled my 10-year-old was the Genuine Hank's Philadelphia Recipe Root Bear. Pricey for Philly ($12 for kids entrees, $20-25 for adult entrees), but it helped make our little trip an experience.

If you have the luxury of just spending two days exploring the Old City, I highly recommend it.
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April 21, 2006

Should we spy on kids?

Recently, there have been a bunch of newspaper stories about pedophiles who have preyed on teens who posted on MySpace, the social networking site. Now the police are apparently catching on and have begun monitoring these sites for teens who talk about doing drugs or other illegal activities.
Here is one story that ran in the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

As a parent, I understand the anxiety that these sites provoke. But I worry that police and parents may be taking kids' online statements too literally and overreact. It seems to me that a lot of their comments may be really 5% truth and 95% boasting and posturing--showing how "cool" and "worldly" they are. Also, can't kids have some "space" where they can just spout their outrageous, ridiculous, and yes, even deeply offensive thoughts, without parents and the authorities swooping in and investigating?

The current issue of Child magazine has a story about the whole issue of spying on kids; okay I put together the roundtable discussion that includes experts, a parent who spys, and a daughter who was molested and in retrospect could have used a more prying parent. But I do think it was illuminating and thought-provoking.

And it turns out timely too.

As my ten-year-old has begun venturing into that world of online chats--her favorite is a site about penguins, I think--I've been debating how closely to monitor and restrict her activity. I've set basic safety rules and told her that if I suspect she is violating them, then I may start snooping. But she's young and basically has this very strong superego, so I feel fairly confident it won't come to that. At least not now.



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April 13, 2006

What's wrong with imperfect mothers?



I've just received a copy of a new anthology, The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World, edited by Therese J. Borchard. Given that Jill Smolowe, my wonderful collaborator on A Love Like No Other, and I had once toyed with doing an anthology on this same subject, I immediately started reading it.

Borchard writes in the intro that she was inspired to compile this book after having had the nightmarish experience of seeing her young child's friend almost drown (her child pushed his little friend into the water--while she was supervising them.) Guilt in that situation is completely natural.

But hardly gender specific. What father wouldn't feel a crushing sense of culpability if a two-year-old had almost died on his watch?

It's obvious, though, that mothers are more apt to feel tortured by the little stuff of parenthood--not volunteering enough for the PTA (or as much as the Good Mothers do), yelling at our kids too much, or just not living up to this ridiculous ideal that is still being foisted upon mothers at every turn. I was glad to see that reality represented in some of the essays I read.

Gail Belsky's essay on arguing with her husband over whether to circumcise their son was brilliant. And so real. As was Jacqueline Mitchard's essay on getting booted from her kids' car pool when she was juggling single parenthood, a job, and a novel she was trying to finish writing.

I didn't experience either---though I did get reprimanded once by a parent in the car pool who thought I was using a car seat recalled by the federal consumer protection agency. How shamed and guilty I felt. (He turned out to have been wrong, but I was so ready to believe he was right and felt exposed as a bad mother. I'd never thought of checking the recall list on the consumer protection site! I just bought the cheapest seat at Costco. )

I think most of us are prone to this mommy guilt. What I'd love to know is, has this been true throughout time, and why? Have mothers always been held to incredibly high standards--whether they were working full-time, or devoting themselves to home making and childrearing?
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