I was having lunch with a friend when the subject came up: Had I read Lisa Belkin's article, "The Trials of My Babysitter"?

All last week, virtually every working mom I know has been talking about this article. In it, Belkin admits that her then-five-year-old son had told her his babysitter "scared" him. Belkin felt she owed the sitter the benefit of the doubt and confronted her sitter, who then floored Belkin by saying, Well, you know kids lie.

Flash forward years later, Belkin finds out that this woman--whom Belkin had written letters of recommendation for nursing school--is on trial for assaulting two patients in her care. In her story, Belkin is very clear to say that she doesn't want this story to be a cautionary tale, a warning against leaving your children in the care of a nanny. She writes:

This is not a tale of evil nannies lurking around every corner, or a declaration that children are not safe with anyone other than their mothers. More universally, it is about trust, and the harsh reality that as well as you ever know anyone, you can know only what he or she allows you to see.

Clearly Belkin didn't want to fuel anymore of the anti-working mother sentiment. But her attempt to link this story to some bigger issue of trust wasn't convincing--at least not to anyone I spoke to.

After all, the circumstances that Belkin described only applied to the mother-nanny relationship. This is a woman who worked in her home and was privvy to all of her private family matters, yet she knew almost nothing about her sitter's personal life. The sitter also was her employee--working to serve her needs. They were never friends, and yet....she was caring for her child.

What other relationships have all of these traits?

I think Belkin's story resonates in part because so many mothers worry that they haven't recognized the red flags--or worse, they've actively ignored them because acting on them would create so many difficulties. I don't think we should blame working mothers and say that they don't care about their kids. But I do think we should be honest about the bind that working mothers often find themselves in--and see this dilemma as not some kind of private failing, but a societal problem.


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